Once Upon a Time...

...there was a beautiful young Baylor co-ed and a handsome officer. A mutual friend set them up on a blind date. He thought that they might have something in common and hit it off. He proved to be very insightful.

They had a great first date, then a great second. They had the proverbial chemistry, covalent bonds that tied them together. Maybe it was because they’d each had rough childhoods. His parents split at a young age, and each of her parents had passed away by the time she went off to college. Maybe it was their common geography, growing up in tiny East Texas towns not two hours from one another.

But every love story has a threat, and this one is no different. He was in the Air Force and there was a war on. He would be shipping out in a few weeks. Starting off a dating relationship and then heading off to a war zone seemed a bit selfish and unfair. Could they bear to be apart for the one to two year tour of duty? She was 19 and he was 25, each far too young to assess clearly the situation as mature adults.

The rational thing was to wait until he returned and reconnect after a year apart. The irrational thing would be to get married to someone they had known for four weeks. It would be even more irrational to suggest that a marriage would survive with its two partners cleaved apart by the Pacific for an entire year.

But it is for moments like this that God placed our emotional center not in our head but deep in our hearts.

So they behaved rashly, some might say (some did say) foolishly. They put all their money on the roulette wheel and doubled down.

The ball just landed on 40.

Happy Fortieth Mom and Dad. You are both blessed and your three sons remain in awe of that reckless, crazy, irrational decision you made forty years ago today!!

Although we're obviously grateful.

Life Happens...

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. Several things going on around here:

* Last Saturday night we had 7 (SEVEN!!!!!) girls between the ages of eight and twelve here in the house. Skeeter was celebrating her birthday and had three friends over while Scooter asked if she could have a friend or two over as well. We found a friend’s house to stash Squealer and his absence allowed the girls to roam free. We put them all to bed around twelve and Kadie woke up at 4 am to find the four younger girls (the 8 and 9 year olds) playing dress up. (One tyke, dressed as Wonder Woman, screamed in terror as an enraged Kadie flung open their door.)

* I’ve been trying to gather information about the last Pastor Search Committee at Lakeshore so I’ll have some idea of the church’s expectations. We should adopt a covenant tonight that I’ll post in the next week or so.

*Financial Peace University has begun and has exploded in popularity. I expected to have about seven or eight family units (a cumbersome term used to include singles) take the class but we have closer to twenty. So I’ve been having to track down additional materials for the class. Forty people out of an active membership of two hundred taking the class is impressive!

*I’ve been negotiating with Squealer’s guidance 7th grade counselor to rearrange her class schedule. She was stuck in choir but wants computer science and/or art. Unfortunately, I am vying for the counselor's attention with about 76,598 other parents.

*We’ve had some changes in our college that affect another department, but not mine. Despite this fact, I have some strong concerns about that department’s direction. I had to have a conversation with our Dean that outlined my concerns despite the fact that, at the end of the day, it is none of my business. I gave him unsolicited advice about what (I think) he should do and was concerned about how he would receive it.

*I received notice from the mother ship (the main branch of our university campus) that selected personnel files had been "compromised" at the main campus. Included in these files were faculty employed at my institution in the 2000-2001 academic year. That would be the year I started teaching, and mine were among those rifled through. Apparently opur main campus fire-wall is more akin to a soggy napkin.

*I’ve been working on another project that I’ll post about on Monday.

Oh yeah, classes start next week…

HSM2

The high point of the summer takes place in our home tonight. High School Musical 2 invades millions of homes this evening. Since we have both a Tween and a Tween wannabe, life in our household will stop between 7:00 and 9:00 CST.

Newsweek called the original High School Musical “The Grease of this generation.”

I think they meant that to be a favorable comparison.

So I have my earplugs in (because of my shrieking girls, not because of the quality of the music) and my own high school class of 1987 ring on.

Watching the movie will impute a coolness on me that will enable me to transcend the immense cultural gap between me and my kids.




Right?

The Unexpected

In a foolish turn of events, I have been elected chairman of our pastor’s search committee. We had not met as a committee for the last two weeks because a family tragedy kept one member of the committee away. Since first on our agenda was the election of a chairman, vice-chairman and a secretary, we decided not to meet again until we could each be present.

Last night we met and voted without taking any nominations. We simply filled out ballots for the three positions. It is not the role I would’ve selected for myself, but the members of the committee were very supportive.

In the days leading up to the meeting, I began thinking about the strengths of the various individuals in the group. I was going to give my thoughts to the new chairman, but will post them online instead. (I shared them with the committee after the vote took place and asked them to pray about them).

I designated a person to be a liaison with each of the following groups: deacons, stewardship and personnel committees, senior adults, and the church staff. I also designated one person to head up our devotional-prayer time and one person to be in charge of communication (both internal to the group and external with the church). I encouraged each member to pray about these positions of responsibility and I hope that they will use them to be a focus of communication with that particular group. I was especially concerned about designating someone to work with the senior adults and to make sure that they feel represented on our committee.

We also made a decision about the two alternates. The church by-laws state that the committee is comprised of 7 members and 2 alternates. There was some discussion about excluding the two alternates from the meetings unless one needs to be added to the committee. That seems to me to go against the rationale of having alternates because they would need to be brought up to speed if they were going to participate. Why not simply have the congregation vote on a new member in the event that the need arises?? So we concluded that the two alternates will participate in all of the meetings, but will not vote, nor will they travel to listen to any of the potential candidates.

Finally we decided to develop a covenant (sound familiar??) that will serve to guide us as a committee. It will address our commitment to unity, confidentiality and obedience. The Sunday after next we will share it with the church.

Any suggestions on what should be a part of a Pastor Search Committee covenant????

(Back to main Pastor Search Committee Menu)

It's Me, Baby!

I was always more of a Gary Trudeau and Bill Watterson guy than a Berkeley Breathed guy. But I think Breathed has always excelled at "Big Picture" ideas in the comics. As one example, here's a strip that seems very appropriate given the YouTube focus of today's generation. (you might need to click on it to read it). Or see the original post here.

The Lineup

Every member of our church had the opportunity to nominate someone for the Pastor's Search Committee. The only condition is that the person nominated had to consent to the nomination ahead of time. When the list of nominees came out, there were two surprising omissions. The only two members of the previous committee (from 15 years ago) still at the church declined to be nominated. Both would've been elected had they been nominated.

There were two concerns I had about whom the by-laws allowed to be nominated. First, two staff members were nominated. I think that staff members should not be allowed onto a search committee. It would be difficult to keep one’s own personal thoughts from getting entangled with what is best for the church. Second, there were two couples nominated. On a committee this size (7 members), I’m not sure it is wise to have so much influence concentrated in one family. Kadie was also nominated, but we didn’t think it was right for each of our names to be on the list, so she declined the nomination.

(As it turns out, neither staff member was elected to the committee. None of the individuals from the couples were elected either, so it turned out alright.)

So there were about twenty four people nominated for the committee. The following week, after much emphasis on prayer and fasting, the church voted. Each church member received a ballot and voted for seven candidates. The top seven recipients were elected to the committee and then the next two were designated alternates.

The committee is a good one, I think, though not quite as representative of the church as I would’ve liked. Particularly glaring is a lack of representation among the senior adults. The eldest member of the committee is in her early sixties. We have several large senior adult classes and I think we’re going to have to work hard to keep them included. Most of the rest of us are in our early thirties to mid-forties. Three of the members are in the young married class I teach. None of us are single and two of us are women. I’d like to see each of those groups represented more.

We’ve immediately been confronted with having to make a few decisions on procedure...

(Back to main Pastor Search Committee Menu)

A Few Days in Austin

Our clan descended on Austin, Texas this last weekend for four days of wonderful, relaxing fun with our family. During that time, in addition to the assortment of nephews and cousins, I got a chance to spend a lot of time with my brothers.

Bartolo (my older younger brother) is familiar to many readers of Coffeespoons. He and Bonita hold down the fort in Houston while he completes his dissertation and works for a university in another universe of prestige from my own (He works at the Boardwalk of higher education institutions while I spend my time on Baltic Ave.). Like his older brother (four years separate us) he’s following Dad into higher education (much to the regret of Dad by the way). Bartolo and Bonita raise the elegance level of any gathering they attend and are, as their pastor once said “two beautiful people.” I loved hearing on this trip how much Bonita is interested in evangelism—pretty much par for the course for Baptists, but they are both Presbyterian.

My other brother Miguelito is preparing for his third year of high school. His name has been oddly missing from this blog, due to his older brother’s oversight and the fact that we don’t spend as much time together as we should. I really want to work more on our relationship. He moved into the house (as a newborn) about the same time I moved out, an unusual dynamic that has worked against our relationship for awhile. But I suspect that will be changing.

We gathered at the home of my cousin Tommy. Tommy is four (or three, depending on who is counting) days older than I am, a fact he’s been reminding me of for the last thirty-eight years. We grew up twenty minutes away from one another and have shared birthdays and holidays for decades. We’ve (or at least I’ve) spilled blood with one another while hunting for scrap iron, been shot at while looking for rocks with my aunt, and have squished thousands of bagworms for homeowners (at 2 cents a piece) while in junior high. Tommy is the most giving person I’ve ever known, even sharing a kidney a few years back with his brother-in-law.

Tommy and his bride have been blessed with a tremendous gift of hospitality. We enjoyed the stay tremendously and left feeling extraordinarily relaxed. Much of our time in Austin was spent lazing around in their new pool, with gentle restfulness interspersed with frenetic moments of challenging, double-crossing, wrasslin’ as we battled to dunk one another in the pool. As I was struggling to "baptize" the recently turned 16 year old Miguelito, the thought crossed my mind for the first time: “My little brother is almost stronger then I am." Almost.

A wonderful time with family, the kind of setting where you can act more like yourself than anywhere else. Family can be a tremendous reflection of ourselves.

Pastor Seach Committee

Looks like the subject matter of this blog will shift slightly and explore the other side of the coin.

I’ve posted on the intentional interim ministry for a while and have explored the life of a church during the interim time from the perspective of a pastor. Now I’ll be taking a look at interim life from the side of a church member.

This last Sunday we had our election for the Pastoral Search Committee (PSC). I was voted in as one of the nine members of the committee. Over the next few days or so I’ll be blogging about our initial discussions to give an example of what a typical search committee deals with.

I haven't spent a lot of time blogging about our home church. Mostly that's because I've been gone for ten months out of the last year. We have several challenges facing our church at Lakeview. I’ve mentioned before that the Intentional Interim process would be helpful for us, but also that it was rejected by the deacons.

As I mentioned, one thing that short circuited that attempt was an older deacon who felt a “check in his spirit” as I described the Intentional Interim process. This check led him (ultimately) to reject the process for our church. The rest of the deacons followed suit. So we have made the decision to find an interim minister who will likely just fill the pulpit on Sundays while our youth minister makes hospital visits and performs funerals.


Of course, an irony is that the guy who nominated me for membership on the PSC…was the same guy who had the check in his spirit about the Intentional Interim. I really appreciated the gesture and it helped me to overcome some of my frustration with his rejection of the process. He made his decision based on what he genuinely thought, perhaps not due to the fact that the IIM is simply new.

So I am reminded again of the problem with making hasty generalizations ("Hmmmm, he's older and I presented him with a new idea which he rejected, so he must be lacking spiritual discernment.") Fortunately, I never make hasty assumptions.


Still learning, still growing.

(Back to main Pastor Search Committee Menu)

Financial Peace University

FPU here we come.

About a year and a half ago, I asked our pastor if we could offer Financial Peace University. He said he’d think about it and never got back to me. After I finally asked him his decision, he said nope, “It’s not time.” It apparently never was time, as he left a few months later.

Our current youth/education/interim minister (and the only minister on our staff) was called to the gospel ministry out of the world of financial services and is passionate about this course. He has encouraged me to offer the class. This program was developed by Dave Ramsey (long time masochists readers of this blog remember a series about Ramsey’s financial plan from some time ago.

Financial Peace University is a 13 week study (2 hours a week) that explores the Bible’s teachings on finances by someone who has gone broke and bounced back from it. It is a great program for all of course, but we have a several single parents in our church and it should be very helpful for them as well. In addition, a local marriage counselor (who isn’t even a Christian) is going to send us several referrals for it. Kadie and I will be coordinating the class.

One bonus is its use as an outreach tool. By offering the class, our church will go up on Ramsey’s web site for those looking for a class in our area. If you are interested in a class in your area, check it out here. If you want to offer it at your church (and I highly recommend it) check out Ramsey's site and connect with their church coordinators.

So starting August 19th we will roll with it.

Unmasked

Scooter loves to read. She is a literary omnivore, devouring most genres and always on the lookout for something new. Scooter enjoys sharing the contents of what she’s reading at all times. Whenever something amuses her she shares it.

She also loves stories about animals (doesn’t every 11 year old girl?) and has recently been working her way through Chicken Soup for the Petlover’s Soul. (Though not pet lovers of chickens apparently. I’ve chosen at this time not to point out to her the irony of the book title which certainly implies boiling poultry).

At lunch yesterday, she shared with me some cheesy story from the book about a boy and a lion and God, as I listened absently. When she finished the story I chuckled amusingly condescendingly and said something like “That’s a cute story.”

Then she dropped the hammer: “You have two laughs, Daddy.”

I was immediately surprised and it caused me to laugh. “See, that’s your real laugh.” she said. What’s the difference I asked? “I dunno, but I can tell when you’re not really laughing and when you really are.”

She then asked “Why do you laugh at the story if you don’t think it’s funny?” On this rare occasion I decided be truthful. “Ummmm…honestly, I guess I laugh because you think it’s funny and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

She considered this for a moment and then said “I guess so, but I know what your fake laugh sounds like. So now when you fake laugh, it will hurt my feelings.”

So apparently my condescending artifice has been uncovered. I will have to be a lot more self-conscious from now on. But on the plus side, she will be able to tell when I fake laugh at other people…

Raise II

The problem comes when we are determining the percentage for merit pay. These percentages are negotiated among the department chairs. If all four departments were equal performers, it wouldn’t be an issue. But two of the departments are clearly stronger performers than the other two. In other words, our college is divided between the eagles and the cockroaches. Our department is an eagle. (I say that taking none of the credit. Everyone who is currently hired in our department was hired under the previous chair’s time in office. The Colonel did an excellent job of evaluating faculty, with the obvious exception of me.)

Because of this distribution, two of the departments argue for a higher percentage of merit going to the upper third of faculty while the other two argued for the percentage going to merit being smaller. The dean casts the deciding vote of course, and effected a compromise that resulted in the lower group getting a 4% (2.5% COLA and a 1.5% merit) raise, the middle group getting a 5% raise and the highest group getting 5.5%.

Not proportionally fair to the upper group? That was my (and one other chair’s) point to the Dean. He responded that the high performers tend to be the higher paid faculty already, and a larger percentage for them would cut down the raise of the lower producing faculty…which I saw as a positive.

But the Dean casts the deciding vote, and makes the recommendation to the Provost. Which he did.

Ultimately, only the head chef gets to adjust the recipe.

Raises

Our college is divided into four departments. By and large we maintain some degree of autonomy within our departments, but the department chairs do have to reach a consensus opinion on certain matters.

One of the matters occupying our attention this summer is the distribution of a recent raise. We were given a recent 5.0 % raise, our second raise in the last in seven years. Due to the infrequency (and minimal amounts) of these raises, the distributions are hotly contested.

Our first step is to determine the amount which should go toward cost of living and the amount which should go toward merit. We were told that half of the 5.0% had to be cost of living, so that gave us 2.5% to divide for merit.

So how do we determine merit?

Every year, each faculty member fills out a lengthy report detailing our productivity in the trinity of acadmic life: the areas of instruction, research, and service. Years back, college leadership devised a sheet with point values for various activities in these three areas. (E.g. X points for a paper at a national conference, Y points for serving on a university committee, etc.) Each person then tabulates a total for the year. Chairs and the Dean then look over the reports to make sure that there are no shenanigans. (Ironically for faculty who despise grade inflation, merit inflation is alive and well!).

Then we list the numbers and divide them into upper, middle, and lower sections. The upper third gets the highest merit raise, the middle section gets the average merit raise and the lower third gets the lowest.

Sounds good on paper, right?

Tomorrow I’ll explain the complications (hint, the explanation involve Eagles and Cockroaches…)

Summer School

Now is the time for summer school. At our institution, the more senior faculty generally don’t have much desire to teach in the summer and the junior faculty need the extra pay. I have always enjoyed teaching summer school, gladly trading summertime freedom for some cold cash. One of my colleagues is in Paris right now, another I’ve literally not seen all summer. But for those of us who stick around, the summer term can be very rewarding.

First, the quality of students tends to be higher. A lot of the bright kids who go off to the Harvards or Princetons are nerdy enough to want to knock off some college credits while they are home for the summer. So we get some really sharp minds who seem more interested in the subject than in the Fall or Spring semesters.

Second, I love the length of time. The semester is compressed (over either one or two months) and classes are lengthier (usually 2 hours instead of one). This allows conversations in classes to continue from class session to class session more easily than during regular semesters. I don’t have to spend the first 10 minutes of the class simply reminding folks where we were at the end of the last class several days before.

Lastly I enjoy the class sizes. Instead of a class of 55 for intro to philosophy, get a class of 20 or 25. It allows for the class to slow down and pursue discussions for longer periods of time.
So I can say something I never imagined saying as a 16 year old:

I love summer school.

SBC Primer

Several of the readers of this blog are lapsed former Southern Baptists. If you are curious what's been going on in your former convention over the last 18 months, check out the following article from the Texas Observer, an alternate magazine. I think it is the best journalistic piece yet I've read on the current controversies in the SBC.

(Of course, the controversies are probably among the reasons you left...)

HT: SBC Outpost

On the Way Home From School

(Digging around some old files a few days ago, I came across this from about two years ago. Scooter would've been in the fourth grade.)



Scene: In the Saturn VUE on the way home from school…

Dad: “So, Scooter, what happened at school today?”

Scooter: “I was playing Connect Four with Josh. I made my last move and Josh looked over at me and said ‘You are a pathetic fool.’ Then he put in the last checker and won the game.”

SILENCE

Dad: “And then what did you do?”

Scooter: “Sir? Oh I just cried and told the teacher.”

Dad: “I think that’s what I would’ve done too.”

SILENCE

Skeeter: “Can we get an ICEE?”

Hiatus

In agricultural contexts, you must allow the ground to lie fallow for a time to ensure an improved crop the next time. Unfortunately for the reader, there’s no guarantee that subsequent Coffeespoons will be improved, but it certainly won’t be any worse.

What’s been going on…

Home Alone Two

I was left alone again as Kadie and her sister PT Girl trekked into that state that is the center of the universe and visited their Dad and step mom up in Enid. They took the entire brood of kids. Much lest angst this time. But while she was at our home, PTGirl (who is, after all a PT) advised me to get my knee (yes, that one) looked at by an orthopedic doc. After the injury, the knee remained swollen. Although there's been no pain, it tightens up whenever I run. So I heeded her advice…

Under the Knife Needle

The ortho doc recommended draining the fluid out of the bursa sac with a large needle. Which he immediately did. (It looked EXACTLY like this). Overall it wasn’t as painful as I expected, and much less painful than my "friends" told me it would be.

Recalling Stories

The book is finally out. Now its time to start working on the next one.

Intentional Interim

As I anticipated, the deacons at Lakeview opted not to go with an intentional interim program. While disappointing, it was not surprising. I was told that we hadn’t done it in the past and there was no need to do so now. When I asked how the deacons had responded to the problems I perceived in the church, the chairman said nobody really had any responses to my concerns.

Raise

At work, we’ve had one raise in the last seven years and just received another one this summer. So the summer term has been focused on haggling over how best to apportion what would be an across the board 5% raise. While appreciated, it’s like splitting hairs.

I should get back into the blogging swing of things now. Thanks to all who've continued to read.

Words

Squealer has lately begun using words both as a cudgel and a scalpel against his sisters

An example of each:

A cudgel…

Squealer: “Daddy, is chickenhead a bad word??”

Me: “Ummm…..no, not really.”

Squealer (turning to Scooter) “You CHICKENHEAD! You’re a CHICKENHEAD, CHICKENHEAD, CHICKENHEAD, CHICKENHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!”


And as a scalpel

Squealer: “Skeeter, you’re a BUTTon-HEAD”

Me: “Squealer, you’re one syllable away from a spanking…..”


"Head" is the preferred suffix of choice, rendering most any word into an expletive.

Home

I never realized how big our house is. It’s far too large for one person.

Earlier this week I took Squealer to spend a few days with his cousin Grace an hour away. Then Kadie, Scooter and Squealer left for the Gulf Coast on a mission trip with our church. They are going down to assist in the ongoing recovery effort from hurricanes that passed through years before.

When we compared our schedules a few months ago, Kadie expressed an interest in taking the girls on the mission trip. I want to get them involved in these activities at an early age and this one seems appropriate for an eleven and an eight year old. Squealer presented a problem, but PT Girl (Kadie’s Sister) and her husband Sully, agreed to keep Squealer locked away until everyone returns on Saturday.

Since I’m teaching this summer term, I couldn't go and that is why I'm left alone in a big, quiet house for the rest of the week.

Its odd that I can run the dishwasher once and that the sink stays clear for hours...I can walk barefooted down the hall and not impale my foot on a Sorry game piece...Washed clothes don’t spontaneously regenerate in the dirty clothes hamper only minutes later…I can take hot showers…For the first time in a few years, the Rangers don’t have to compete with Hannah Montana for attention on the television…

And yet…it’s hard not to get three hugs when I get home (or four if I can catch Squealer)...The only laughter I hear is my own as I read a funny joke (like this one)...I miss the completely rational (from a kid’s perspective) explanation for why there is—at this very moment as I discovered this morning—a plastic locket (from Skeeter’s necklace) inexplicably sitting next to the ice cube trays in our kitchen freezer.

So often our house seems barely big enough to hold the five of us. Its seams burst as it struggles to contain all the laughing, shoving, screaming, snuggling, frogging, loving, wrestling, feeding, weeping, zerbertting, praying, yelling, eating, spanking, chasing, hugging and living that goes on around here.

But this evening the little house seems huge and I am reminded again by the silence that a house isn’t a home.

The Forum

Professional organizations exist for almost all occupations. Tailors (Professional Association of Custom Clothiers ( PACC ), court reporters (National Court Reporters Association) and sales professionals (National Association of Sales Professionals (NASP)) each have their own organization.

In the field of Biblical Studies, the Society of Biblical Literature is the primary professional organization. In recent years, the SBL has taken a more active role in disseminating its scholarship to a larger audience through an online journal called “The Forum”. Readers of this blog might be interested in the current issue.

Birthday Lunch

Nothing like working on your birthday. Since I'm teaching this summer, I didn't get to take the day off, but did go out with the family a few days ago. We went to our favorite family restaurant and had a good time. They gave me three birthday cards, all of which I loved. There was also an appropriate level of good natured ribbing by the hostess after Kadie told her we were celebrating my birthday.

Her: “Don’t tell me your age, let me guess. I bet your turning 18--No no, I got it: 21!!”
Me: “If you add your guesses together you’re close.”

The family got me an iPod broadcaster so that I can force everyone in the car to listen to my music. (On the way to church Wednesday night I turned on Air Supply’s Greatest Hits. It was, perhaps, the singular most merciless act of my parenthood…All out of love indeed).

But lunch time conversations can be oddly surreal at times. Scooter loves to talk about anything and Skeeter tries to keep up with her big sister. Most of the time, Squealer is simply trying to master his bladder control. Kadie (the good parent) has been taking the kids to the library a lot this first month of summer. They have apparently each inherited my interest in history as Scooter has been reading some British history while Skeeter has been reading about the American settlers.

Skeeter: Our family is a lot like Laura Ingell’s family in Little House on the Prairie. They had a Dad and we have a Dad. They have a mom and we have a mom. Scooter is like Laura and I am like Mary. Squealer is like one of the stinky boys who lived near the Big Woods.

Me: “But didn’t they have another sister??”

Skeeter: (aggravated) “It doesn’t have to be perfect”

Scooter: “Well I think our family is a lot like the Tudors. Daddy, you are King Henry VIII, Skeeter is Elizabeth, I’m Mary, Squealer is Edward, and Mom is Jane.”

Me: “I’ve often called your little brother a Tudor.”

Kadie: “Who is Jane?”

Scooter (patiently): "Mom, Jane was Henry’s last wife, the only one who gave him an heir. She died.”

Me: “Actually they all died.”

Scooter: “DAD!! You know what I mean.”

Skeeter: “How did they die?”

Scooter: “Well, Mom died the same year Edward was born and then Edward died when he was nine. Oh, (turning to Skeeter) and then you killed me. Isn’t it sad that the younger sister killed Mary?”

Skeeter: (Looking stunned) I cannot believe that Laura Ingells killed her sister Mary!!”

Edward Squealer: (Standing up quickly in his chair) "Daddy! I gotta tinckle!!!"


(I've never thought about how to spell tinckle before)

Three Universal Laws

• For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

• A body at rest tends to remain at rest.

• Churches think they will save money during their interim time without a pastor.

Wait....

December 2002

The cellphone went off around 6:15 on Sunday morning, waking me up from a blissful slumber. I was disturbed by the ring, but decided to wait for Kadie to answer the phone. Kadie’s hospital always called around than time. She works as an RN (part time) whenever she wants. They often call her early in the morning and ask if she will work and then she decides whether or not to go in. Most days, she decides not to do so.

And she deserves it.

Throughout our long days in graduate school she had worked full time. But now that I have a full time job (for the first time in ten years of marriage) she has cut back to two shifts a week. It’s been great for our two kids as Skeeter and Scooter love the extra time they got to spend with their Mom. And now Mom is pregnant. (Squealer, as we would later find out, would be born a short month later.)

The phone rang again and I reached out to jostle Kadie awake. But as I reach out, I realize I’m alone in bed…

And then I remember I’m not at home.

I’m in a Motel Six off I-35 in Waco, Texas. I groggily come to my senses as my hand fishes around on the night stand for my phone. I’m in Waco using the Baylor library as I wrap up my dissertation. For the last four months I’ve been going down to Waco every other weekend to complete the project. Every Thursday through Sunday I’ve left the family to make the lonely trip along Highway 31 so that I can live and work in a small carrel tucked away on the third floor, in the bowels of Moody library.

But this would be my last time to make the trip. Since it was at the end of the semester, I planned to stay for a whole week to complete the beast.

As I pick up the phone I confirm on the caller ID that it is Kadie’s hospital. I say hello and expect to hear the familiar voice of Kadie’s supervisor asking for her to come in to work.

But instead I hear Kadie’s voice telling me hello. She explains to me that she began to have intense contractions the night before and went up to the hospital with Scooter and Skeeter. My mom also came over and spent the night in the cramped maternity room. (The girls, then 7 and 4, thought it was an exciting camp out).

I’m stunned and concerned for her health and for the baby’s health. I tell her that I would pack immediately and if I hurry, I’ll be home by early afternoon. No doubt sensing the rising concern in my voice she simply replied

“Wait.”

Kadie “How much longer until you finish?”

Me “Finish what?!”

Kadie “Your dissertation.”

Me “Given the circumstances, I really don’t think….”

Kadie (patiently) “How much longer?”

Me “Uhhhh…I could get it done by Wednesday.”

Kadie “I think you should stay in Waco until you finish it.”

Me “I’m not going to stay in Waco while you have a baby!”

Kadie “I’m not having a baby. They’re just premature contractions. They’ll probably release me today and your mom can make sure we get home safely. We’ll be fine. You need to finish.”

Me “There is no way I’m going to be able to write in a library while my wife is being hospitalized in another state.”

Kadie “Taran…we can do this.”

What do you say to that?! (Besides yes ma’am). She was released that afternoon and I stayed and worked on the last two chapters. I finished my first draft of the dissertation that Wednesday and then graduated a few months later.

I could not have made it through graduate school or parenthood…or pastoring…or teaching…or (fill in the blank) without her support these last fifteen years of marriage. She doesn’t appear as often as she deserves in the stories on this blog, but does appear more often than she wants. Kadie’s been an incredible force for my own personal and spiritual growth in the twenty years we’ve known each other.

(And as I’ve mentioned before, she never reads this blog…thus demonstrating once again her exceptional taste).

Father's Day

A great Father’s Day, in both genealogical directions.

Sunday mornings still feel a bit awkward as I step back into the Sunday School teacher role. In my more honest moments, I suspect that part of my dissatisfaction with decision making in our church is because I’m making the transition from interim pastor back to church member.

But Sunday morning was filled with kids having fun with Dad. All three of them presented me with my Father’s Day gift and then two of them gave me sweet picture/cards from their Sunday school classes. Before Sunday school began, there was a “Doughnuts with Dad” time in which the children’s SS classes were stocked with both Kispy Kreme doughnuts and with Dads of ample girth. (Mother’s Day is a more healthy affair offering “Muffins with Mom”).






Oh, I forgot to mention my best Father’s Day gift. A pair of Speedos!!! With summer swim season arriving soon, Kadie and the kids decided than I needed a new pair. I debated whether or not to post a picture of me wearing the Speedos, but decided why not!! Fun wins out over propriety…I'll include the picture of me in my new Speedos at the end of the entry.

After SS and church we returned home and hosted my own Mom, Dad, and youngest brother Miguelito. Dad, mom and I had a politically charged conversation and simply enjoyed spending time together chatting about a lot of nothing. My brother Miguelito is 16 going on 25 and a lot of fun. He decided to spend the night with us and then gave me a great gift when he offered to baby sit the kids and let Kadie and I escape to a movie. We saw the third installation of the Pirate movie and were pleased. (Sidenote, Geoffrey Rush is absolutely amazing. To me, he was more interesting in this film than Jack Sparrow).























































I hope that you enjoyed your Father’s Day!!!!

On Anonymity

Shortly after attaining tenure, a blogging colleague asked if I would drop the anonymity of this blog. I’d been thinking about that topic already and concluded that I’m not ready to do so at this present time. Here are some reasons why I've decided not to do so...

First, I would like to continue to use this blog as a sounding board for my involvement in church ministry. I’ve not found many other blogs where intentional interim ministry is as much a topic as it is here. Bowden closed down the late great blog Interregnum (for reasons he explains here), which was one of the only other blogs taking up this issue from time to time. Susan Song or Lakeview would probably be fine with about 98% of what I’ve posted about my experiences with them, but if this blog operated under my name, I think I’d be more self-selective than I would like to be.

Workwise, I want to be able to post some stories or observations about teaching at a higher education institution. I don’t think I’ve betrayed any confidentiality, but some post participants (like here, here, or here) might not want the notoriety. (And most would recognize themselves). Since I do blog about a lot of personal conversations, I don’t want others to wonder if what they will say might end up on a blog post somewhere.

Third, safety is an issue. I take some warnings seriously about posting pictures and sharing personal information on the net with three kiddoes in the house. I like to share what they are going through and their perspectives on life, but I want to do so safely.

Lastly, this blog initially started out as a way to keep up with friends and family. And to them, this blog isn’t anonymous.

But this decision does come with some costs.

I don’t actively engage myself in SBC discussions in the blog world because I agree that it’s a bit weasely to put your thoughts out there while remaining anonymous.

I’m probably cutting myself off from some great relationships. I read blogs by folks like Dave, Benjamin, or Kevin, and think “I’d like to get to know these guys better.” Part of the intimacy of their blogs is because I know their names, where they live, and what they do. If they were anonymous, I don’t think I would have had the same level of appreciation.

But overall, I think that it is the right decision…for now, anyway.

Meeting With the Deacons

Yesterday evening I shared with our deacons the essential elements of the intentional interim ministry. We had a, as diplomats often say, “frank and cordial” exchange. As I explained the five elements of an intentional interim, I suggested areas that (in my opinion) we need to deal with as a church before we call another pastor.

Three areas of concern have remained unaddressed by our church. First, we were borne (in 1979) out of a prejudiced womb. Our church (like many throughout the south) decided to leave a neighborhood that was changing from white to African-American. In the early eighties we apparently developed a reputation as a church that was unwelcoming toward minorities.

But our most recent pastor, for thirteen years, has preached strongly from the pulpit a gospel message that was open to all races. We now have several African-American families in our church. In fact, on Sunday night we licensed an African-American friend for the first time in the history of our church. (A fact uncommented upon and even unrealized until I looked into it this week). This transformation in racial attitudes is an important and positive element in our church’s history that has been ignored.

A second area that remains unaddressed is a decision made about eight years ago to build a recreation center. This decision was made when we ran about 150 more people than we currently have in attendance. Its $1.2 million mortgage represents a heavy financial burden upon the church. We’ve established no long term strategic approach for dealing with the debt. Our most common response has been to complain about the lousy so-and-so's who signed up for the debt and then left the church. We need to lay out a long term plan for addressing this issue.

A final area of concern has been our staff turnover. Although we’ve had a pastor for thirteen years, during the last six years (since we’ve joined) we’ve had three youth ministers, four music ministers (really five because we’ve had one twice) and six children’s ministers. From my perspective, we need to examine our policies and procedures for dealing with staff. But from the perspective of our lay leadership, God has simply called some people to our church for a “season of healing,” and then called them on elsewhere.

I mentioned these three areas to the deacons and there were differences of opinion on each of them. Some simply told me I was wrong and that these issues didn’t exist while others agreed with the diagnosis, but not the treatment. As our time together closed, they told me that they would pray about our church’s options for the interim time.

I left the meeting in much better spirits than I did a few Sunday nights ago. Not because there was a greater agreement with my position, but rather because I felt prompted by God to share this information with them and I was obedient to that prompting. Now it is in God’s hands.

Where it has been all along.

The Bad News Miscreants (III)

Well, the moment finally arrived. In our late game on Friday evening, America let out her collective breath as the Lakeview Miscreants won our first game. We beat the host team (an area megachurch) in their own park. I am confident of the importance of this event, because on Saturday afternoon, someone from Tucson, Arizona came to Coffeespoons after Googling “Taran softball”.

So clearly word is getting out.

We dropped the first game 12-7 and won the second 18-15. The second game was a nail biter and no lead was safe. I had a fine pair of games at second base and only hurt us with a couple of errors for the evening. My hitting suffered as I went 0-3 with three walks for the night.

Injury report: I took a line drive smash off my right foot. It hit squarely on my big toe and the nail has turned a darkish hue. But all nagging injuries pale in comparison to the rest of the season. We are moving into the homestretch of the playoff race with our 1-5 record. We play six games over the next nine days, so things should really start to tighten up.

(I mean my muscles, not the playoff race. We’re way out of that!)

Kairos (III)

I was sweating bullets in my grey suit, and not just because of the questions. The A/C unit had gone out and I was sitting surrounded by a dozen men, each one plumbing the depths of my heresy.

Sunday evening I met with our ordination council. Our pastor, youth/education minister and ten deacons were arrayed against me. Also going through the process was my good friend Larry, to my left. He and his wife have become some of our closest friends at Lakeview and I’m glad that we went through the ordination process (he as deacon, myself as minister).

After prayer, the questioning started. Here were the questions they asked:

• Share with us your testimony.
  
• What is your view of the Bible?
  
• Would your children say that you are a godly Dad?
  (My initial answer was "It depends on which day you ask them.)
  
• Can you worship with people who behave ugly towards you?
  
• Do you believe in the virgin birth?
  
• What is the gospel?
  

So the questions were straightforward and no attempts were made to paint us into a corner or any other horror stories you hear about in these ordination meetings from time to time.

The only regret I had was that they made the decision (due to Sunday evening being the last Sunday of our pastor’s ministry here) not to do the laying on of hands during the service. We were told that they would pray for us before the congregation arrived in order to "expedite the service." The congregation did not participate. I did feel bad for my folks and Larry’s folks (and sisters) who all drove in to share in this time for us.

But all in all it was a very encouraging time. (And no, neither Letterman nor Seinfeld came up).

Kairos (II)

So why go through ordination now?

There are a few primary reasons.

First is that I feel a close relationship with our departing pastor. Although we theologically bear scant resemblance to one another, he and I have gotten along well over the last six years. I have supported him in the church and he has allowed me tremendous latitude in leadership and teaching roles. For example, he asked me to teach through 1 and 2 Timothy in a January bible study a few years ago when we disagree on the subjects of alcohol and female deacons. And as I have noted in the past, we've had our share of private confrontations.

The most amazing thing to me is that although he grew up a dirt poor boy from Arkansas, he has led our church (prior to my arrival) through a very difficult period of integration. It is the most integrated church to which I’ve ever belonged (though we still have a long way to go). He has modeled love and reconciliation and I consider it an honor for him to preside over my ordination.
A second reason is that I love this church and would like to have them be the ones who participate in this service with me. My kids came to faith in Christ at this church and Kadie and I have been blessed with places of service. Good people serve at this church. On those occasions when I do leaqve to serve in other churches, I want our family to have many connections to this church.

A third reason is the intentional interim ministry. As I’ve written extensively, it is a solid process for engaging the church in important elements of change. I now feel completely assured that this is what God has called me to do. Having a distinctive calling gives me something specific to be called to.

As to my previous objections?

I still don’t think I need to be ordained. But as I told Brother Jones last year and as I told "my former self" a few weeks ago: it’s not always about me. The church needs times of celebration and times of ritual. The church will take pride in my calling and will continue to serve as a support to me through prayer and encouragement. Wherever I go and serve, in some sense they will be participants in that service. In fact, B makes this point in his comment on Friday's post.

Lastly, I don’t think my distinction between clergy/laity will be too much affected by ordination. I say this because I will continue to be bivocational. Bivocational ministers might have an easier time than full time ministers explaining to the congregation that ministry is not something we pay other people to do.

But in the end, I do feel it is calling of God. It is kairos, God’s timing.

Now if I can just get through the candidacy interview without mentioning my affection for either Seinfeld or Letterman, I’ll be alright…

Kairos (I)

Maybe kairos is the best way to explain the following bit of news. This Sunday evening I’ll be ordained to the Gospel ministry by Lakeview Baptist church. A bit of background.

When Kadie and I packed up the UHaul and trucked on over to the spacious living quarters at Southwestern Seminary in 1991, I had recently been licensed. The seminary requires all its students to be licensed in order to enroll. My pastor at the time helped me accomplish this, but due to the tumult of graduation, marriage, and moving that occupied that summer, he and I decided that I’d return home at a mutually convenient time and then I would be ordained.

We planned on setting up my ordination later that year, but never got around to it. It was a low on my priority list. After that first year, the pastor of my home church was forced out, and there arose a pharaoh pastor who knew not Taran. I grew disconnected with that church, but didn’t feel a close association with our church in Ft. Worth either.

When I went to Baylor, and was called to pastor Lone Oak, it wasn’t a concern of theirs. Neither was it an issue this last year at Susan Song. Plus I had two additional reasons for not wanting to get ordained.

First, ordination is not a key doctrinal issue for me. I don’t know if there’s a fourth level of doctrinal triage or not, but that’s about where I’d put it. There’s nothing wrong with ordination, but it is not required. I follow Spurgeon in saying that if God has called you into service, you really don’t need any one else’s endorsement. It is simply not a big concern to me. (Although Spurgeon goes even further. He said that ordination was a case of “empty hands being placed on an empty head.”)

Second, I’ve always thought that ministers were separated enough from the laity. There is a tendency in the church to assume that ministry is what you pay the preacher to do. It is a faulty division of labor: there are those who minister and those who support those who minister.

But I believe strongly in the calling of all believers as ministers. The key verses of my own ministry have been 2 Corinthians 5:18-19.

Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reonciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Paul is writing these verses to underscore the fact that all people are entrusted with God’s ministry, not just the leaders in the polyester suits. Ordination simply adds another unnecessary layer of insulation between clergy and laity.

So why get ordained?????

Seinfeld and Philosophy

I work with Religion/Philosophy and Popular Culture a lot, often incorporating the two into my classes. I have no idea how many readers out there (by which I mean both of you) enjoyed watching Seinfeld during its run, but if so, you might be interested in reading this.

The Bad News Miscreants (II)

The Miscreants played another two-fer on Friday evening, and given the fact that I am just now posting the results, you can probably anticipate how things turned out. We went 0-2 again, driving our season record to 0-4.

In game one we surged to a 10-0 lead in the first inning and then ended up losing a nail biter 14-12. That was a hard loss.

We were never in the second game and were pummelled 30 to 14. (Our new rallying cry is "Only two touchdowns and a field goal short!")

I rebounded from my previous poor defensive effort and committed no errors in the first game at second base (although let the record indicate that I also had no chances at second either).

I presented a scorer's challenge in the second game since they moved me to left field. I have the fielding range of a narcoleptic amoeba, so I couldn't get to many hits. I did catch three pop-ups, not an unremarkable feat for me.

Life at the plate was better. I went 3 for 7 with a walk. All three hits were weak bloops over the second baseman that settled into the short outfield area with the force of an arthritic man gently nestling down into a large recliner.

The highlight of my offensive output was the walk. The ump had a fixed strike zone that would've been more appropriate for Herve Villechaize than any of the 5 foot nine behemoths our team fields. Taking note of that fact, I elected not to swing until I was down two strikes and ended up walking on a 3-1 pitch.

Sadly, that was the high point of my afternoon.

Injury report--- I stupidly dove to first base trying to beat a mishandled throw and banged my left knee with sufficient force to generate a sizable bruise. Adding insult to injury I was still out. (Due to toughening MPAA standards, I will spare the gentle reader another picture of a purple-hued injury.)

After sprawling toward first, I was reminded of my age by the fact that my teammates gathered around my crumpled form and said "Way to Hustle Taran!!" "Great try!"

"Are you OK?"

A Check in His Spirit

Our church is still attempting to determine the best course of action in response to our pastor’s recent resignation at our home church. On Sunday evening I met with the Chairmen of deacons, finance committee and personal committee. For a couple of hours I shared the Intentional Interim Ministry (IIM) process with them and explained how it would be a beneficial process for Lakeview Baptist.

Following the presentation I took questions. My biggest concern going into the discussion was with our stewardship chairman. He’s a godly man and one who has earned the respect of the congregation and of myself. He has been very close to our pastor and served as chairman of the search committee that brought him here thirteen years ago. He is, in short, someone whose buy-in is integral to the IIM process being accepted at Lakeview.

But he is old school. And the IIM process is new in these parts. So when I finished he sat quietly for a minute and then said "Taran, I have a check in my spirit." By which he meant (I determined from context clues) that he had a bad feeling about the IIM and that this bad feeling was of divine origin.

As our discussion continued, the gist of his concern was that he feels the process to be too mechanical, and not spiritual enough. He felt that I did not emphasize the signifiance of the Holy Spirit in the prcess. It is true that I didn’t spend a great deal of time in the presentation talking about how prayer/fasting/discernment, etc. accompanies the process…I simply assumed that part.

The other two leaders were more open to the process and all three agreed that I should share it with the deacons and then, if they agree, with the church. I should meet with the deacons next week.

But for someone as passionate about the IIM as I am, it was a bit disheartening.

Camping Trip 2

Some pictures from our trip.

On the way up, we went horseback riding. Here Skeeter meets a two week old foal.

During our trail ride, we crossed several streams, which was very fun for the kids (and the adults).

Petit Jean offers some impressive vistas.

Here Kadie helps Squealer along one of the more challenging hiking trails.

At the end of a long hiking trail, the kids found a wonderful cave (complete with Indian pictographs).

I did mention that it rained, right? Here is what may turn out to be one of my favorite pictures of Squealer. It is raining outside and he has to stay in the tent. His whole little body has a resigned expression as he sadly watches the rain fall.

Alas, no pictures of Ranger Rick!

Camping Trip

We returned from our vacation intact and had a great time camping. Although my family and I went camping periodically growing up, I had not been on more than a one night campout in decades. Fortunately we went with four seasoned veterans.

We camped out with a couple (Jim and Sandra) from our Sunday School class whom we are just getting to know. They have two daughters around the same ages as ours and the four girls have already become best friends.

Jim owns a restoration company (they come in after floods, fires, etc. and work with the insurance companies to rebuild homes and businesses). He drove up to Petit Jean in a huge black Dodge Ram pickup. I took the White Goose with the ailing transmission. It has 187,000 miles on it, but with a rebuilt engine at 165,000. So we’re just now wondering when the transmission will blow. Not the best vehicle to take into the mountains, but somehow it held together.

Driving around the park, we took Jim’s behemoth truck and threw the kids in the bed while the adults rode in the front cab. Since the drive from our campsite to the hiking trails was a mile and a half over empty park roads we didn’t think twice about this.

But “Ranger Rick” did. After we stopped, Ranger Rick approached us and said that anyone under fifteen had to ride in the cab but that the adults could ride in the bed. He then said “I imagine that even [here he mentioned our home state] has similar laws to Arkansas and you should keep in mind that we enforce those laws in a State Park.”

His condescension was palpable and I almost responded that “Well, given my state’s history of governmental corruption, it’s also th3e case that $50.00 will keep a Park Ranger from hassling you for three days. Is that also the case in Arkansas?”

But my basic respect for the law and my even more basic desire not to be beaten in front of my children kept my darker emotions in check.

Plus that’s what blogs are for.


Some random thoughts on camping…


Bug repellant keeps away bugs, but not (alas) children.

I’m told that they emit all kinds of poisonous gasses, but burning Styrofoam plates and plastic water bottles is fun.

Loud early morning geese have no snooze button.

No one can out-pester a four year old. No one.

Every male, irrespective of age, at some base level, is a pyromaniac.

A new tent never goes back into its original box.

Campfire Smores are the finest dessert I have ever tasted.

At home we don’t let Squealer carry a dull table knife, but on vacation we do take him on a semi-perilous hike through rugged terrain.

When it is raining on a camp-out, there’s simply not much to do.

My opposition to infanticide decreases marginally in direct proportion to the number of times I hear the question “When are we going to be there?”

I’ll post some pictures over the weekend.

After Service Comments

We are trekking to Mount Petit Jean for a few days of R&R before school starts later this week, so blog entries will be nonexistent. For a change of pace, I thought I'd ask for some contributions.

The following lines were all shared with me back during my Lone Oak days. Each of them are absolutely true…

“You’ll make a good preacher one day.” (This was said early in my stay at Lone Oak).

“You always manage to find something to fill up the time.” (You can just sense the underlying feeling of resignation that accompanied this line).

“I appreciated what you were trying to do.” (I loved this line. He told it to me right after I tried a dramatic monologue sermon—the only time I’ve ever done so).

“If I’d known you were going to be good today I’d have brought a neighbor.” (A joke...I think).


“Did you know there are 243 panes of glass in the windows?” (Said by a child after the service.)

“We shouldn’t make you preach so often.” (I’m not sure how to take this one).


“I think God has called you to be a professor.” My all time favorite, uttered with complete sincerity by a Hill Country cowboy.

Gentle readers, please add your favorite lines to the comments

Resignation

Tomorrow morning, the pastor of Lakeview Baptist (our home church) will resign to take a church in another part of our state. He’s had a fairly autocratic style and I am concerned about how the church will respond in his absence. My hope is that some of our really good leaders will step up to the plate and see this as an exciting opportunity for change.

I’m agitating for an intentional interim, but face an uphill battle. It is a new concept in this area (only two churches in our association have gone through it, one of them is Susan Song) and some of the congregation will want to move as rapidly as possible to find another pastor.

Complicating matters is that our by-laws state that a Pastor Search Committee must be formed within 60 days of the previous pastor’s resignation. That kind of time line is incompatible with the Intentional Interim ministry.

Please pray for us as you are able…

Susan Song Reception

Last night we had a wonderful reception at Susan Song. Since they were concerned about several folks being out over the Memorial Day Weekend, they wanted to have it after their Wednesday night service. Kadie and the kids went with me. When I told the kids that we were all going out to the church because they were having a celebration, Scooter said “Are they throwing a celebration because you are leaving??”

I started to choke up a little as we pulled into the parking lot. On the sign in front of the church they wrote “Good-bye Bro. Taran, We’ll Miss You”. I shared a brief devotional with them and then we feasted on great fried chicken (natch), home grown black eyed peas, squash, and mashed potatoes.

After we finished eating they presented a beautiful framed picture with a poem about the “Pastor”. Mrs. Jones read a poem that was hilarious and had a separate verse about each of the regular attenders. I’ll post it in the next day or two. They also were very proud of the fact that they were the first Intentional Interim I have performed and presented me with the framed Church Covenant which they had each signed.

A great evening.

The Bad News Miscreants

Last Friday evening, after exactly one softball practice in the preceding twelve years, I laced up my brand new ($19.99 from Payless) cleats and took to the softball field. I was the starting third baseman for the Lakeview Miscreants, our church softball team.

We play in a Baptist league here in town, and were late in assembling a team. Our first practice was a Thursday and our first game the following night. We were spanked in two straight games on Friday evening, 14-6 and 12-6 respectively (so we did show some improvement). Our official team motto is "You get to laugh at me and then I get to laugh at you."

My fielding was much better than I expected. Which is to say I only made four errors over the course of our double-header. The first error was failing to snare a line drive that was very catchable…though I’m hampered by my microscopic vertical leap. The next two errors were bobbles that enabled fleet runners to beat my weak-armed throws.

I was most proud of my fourth error. I started the second game at short (a demotion perhaps?!) and fielded an easy grounder effortlessly. I then airmailed the throw to the first baseman (who was only about 18 feet from me). My throw flew to his right and sent both adult and children spectators scurrying out of the way like a covey of quail. It was a beautiful thing to behold. (Chuck Knoblauch is my hero) . I did settle down to make most of the routine plays the rest of the evening.

I performed even more poorly at the plate. I hammered a solid single to right field in my first at bat and then went 0 for 5 the rest of the evening (weak grounders and pop ups to various infielders). I did score an additional run after I reached on an error.

But all in all, there is something to be said about Baptists hammering each other on the softball diamond instead of through blogs, so it was a nice change of pace.

But I didn’t escape unscathed. I mishandled a short hop throw from our left fielder and it caught me clean in the shin. Fortunately, the shock of the injury rendered my leg numb for the rest of the evening. But it looks nice, don’t you think?

Overall, I don’t recall having so much fun in awhile. I’ll be chronicling subsequent injuries games throughout the remainder of our six week season.

Church Graduation

Four years ago, as I finally wrapped up my doctorate, I was approached by one of our church secretaries who asked for a photo of me in my graduation regalia. (It looks sharp, though it does bear (!) a stark resemblence to the Green Goblin's outfit.) She said that she wanted it for our Graduation Day Sunday service so they could put it on the screen when I walked down the aisle of the church with our other graduates.

I was less than enthusiastic about the idea. In retrospect I can very much see my pride at work as I considered church Graduation Day something for high school students or maybe a college graduate. But for a graduate degree? I didn’t need any attention and so I declined.

In fact, I never gave her a picture and told her that I had no desire to participate. But secretaries can be persistent and she repeated her request on more than one occasion. A showdown was avoided because we had to travel to Waco for graduation and elected to visit our friends at Lone Oak on the same Sunday that our home church would be having Graduation Day.

I was aggravated to find out later that they still put my name on a scrolling list of graduates during the morning service, simply without the picture.

Looking back on that experience, I am struck by how foolishly self-centered I was. I thought that the ceremony was for my benefit, but I now realize that many (though certainly not all) church ceremonies serve an important part of the life of the church and are vital to its continued health. A church graduation day, for example, allows the church to see the fruit of its effort in a tangible way.

As the high school and college seniors (yes, even the grad students) walk down the aisle in church, the congregation gets to celebrate the role that it has had in the life of these new graduates. All of their Sunday School teachers and youth leaders have invested themselves in these students over the years. In a sense, when these high school church members go off to college, they take a part of the church with them. And we do and should celebrate that.

I now regret not having participated. If I could go back and speak to my “aggrieved” younger self, I would simply say…


“It’s not about you!”

A Spring Ritual (II)

What I hate about graduation:

1. Airhorns

2. The local minor league hockey team plays in the same arena where we hold graduation in December. The faculty (and students) sit on flooring material placed directly over the ice. My ancient black wing-tip shoes are excellent conductors of body heat and my feet freeze for an hour and a half.

That is all. I guess the advantage outweigh the disadvantages.

A Spring Ritual

We had our graduation last night. The frenzied, at times chaotic, week of finals all comes to a sudden standstill during Pomp and Circumstance as we entered the arena. A lot of my colleagues dislike graduation, and many even refuse to show up. But I enjoy graduation a lot. Here’s why I enjoy it:

1. At the reception before the ceremony I get to tell students good-bye. If I didn’t go to graduation, there wouldn’t be the same closure. Telling them good-bye when they turn in their final exam just isn’t the same.

2. The reception is also the only time when the staff, faculty, and administration of the university share an informal meal together. It is a nice time, a brief ceasefire in the ongoing conflict between the various interests on campus.

3. I love the embraces. It is the one time during the year when it is appropriate for faculty and students (of both genders) to hug. In my mind it is a small way of confirming that they are no longer our students anymore.

4. I love the ritual and the formality. The gowns, the confirmation of degrees, the honor cords, and the stoles are all elements of a very formal ceremony that has to be explained to the students. We need a lot more ritual in society today. Ritual is institutionalized, enacted memory and there are certain things that as a society we need to remember. The significance of graduation is one.

5. The speakers are usually brief. Someone has done a good job of convincing them that the evening is not about them.

6. There is the eminently mockable state official who inevitably sidles his way to the microphone (even though he is never on the program). “Oozing smarm from every pore, he oiled his way across the floor.” (My late mother-in-law used to quote that line and it fits so many people perfectly).

7. I love meeting the parents and grandparents. It is the one time during the year I look forward to meeting parents. (All the other times I meet parents, the conversation consists of me explaining that I cannot discuss Junior’s grades with them for confidentiality reasons). I get to brag on their children and watch while both the student and parent simultaneously swell with pride. (Fortunately, the bad students generally don’t want me to meet their parents).

8. The students get a diploma cover during the ceremony and receive their actual diploma afterwards. As a department chair, I get to hand them their actual diploma and say “Congratulations” again.

9. What I enjoy the most is the feeling of accomplishment in seeing students I battled with as freshman make the walk across stage. Some of them are single parents, many are first generation college graduates. In most cases, their degree of sacrifice is inspiring.

10. Graduations (like weddings) serves a useful purpose for the audience as well as the participants. The ceremony reminds all who witness it of the excitement of that period of life. That period when any dream seems possible.

Technically, he's correct...

Driving to Sam's to pick up some bulk necessities

Squealer "Daddy, Bears live in the forest and sleep during the day so they can be awake during the night.

Taran: "Yes, very good."

(Let me interrupt this narrative to make a few points. I have no idea where this stuff comes from. I assume he got it from a story at Mother's Day Out or a Little Einstein episode. I'm also not exactly sure that he's right. Are bears really nocturnal? Do all of those bear attacks take place during the night? Most of the footage of bears I've seen is during the day.)

Squealer: "But we don't sleep in the day, we sleep in the night. Bears sleep in the day."

Taran: "Yes. That's because bears are nocturnal."

Squealer: "……."

Taran: "Can you say nocturnal?"

Squealer: (Very deliberately) "Noc-turn-al. Nocturnal"

Taran: Enthusiastically. "Very Good, Squealer!! Can you think of other animals that are nocturnal?"

Squealer: (After thinking carefully for a few seconds) "Dogs."

Taran: "Dogs?!"

Squealer "Yes, Dogs. Dogs are not turtles."

Funny Exams

Ahhh….grades are in and all faculty posted their grades without too many issues. (Unlike last December). In honor of the end of the semester, I wanted to include two student responses to an exam question.

The question is from my introduction to Philosophy class and concerns Pascal’s Wager. PW attempts to convince the agnostic that one is better off believing in God and being wrong rather than disbelieving in God’s existence and being wrong. It argues that there are four possible alternatives:

• Believe in God and be correct (the consequence is eternal reward)
• Believe in God and be wrong (the consequence is a temporal loss)
• Disbelieve in God and be correct (the consequence is temporal reward)
• Disbelieve in God and be incorrect (the consequence is an eternal loss)
  

So on the whole, one’s best shot at the ultimate reward, and an avoidance of the ultimate loss is to believe in God. For a painfully precise explanation, see here.

One student (obviously a Kenny Rogers fan) wrote the following


A second student, an aspiring artist, simply wrote...

I jovially recorded two "F"s...

News to Salve a Guilty Conscience....

Actually, my conscience is really not that guilty. But it is nice to know that he found another job. It is only a one year position, but it is in California where it is about 20 degrees cooler than it is here in the Deep South. And he might get a tenure track position at the end of the year.

The mountains, a nice beach....hmmm. Maybe I'll be interviewing with HIM for a job in a few years!!!

A Last Note

Well the final verses of Susan Song are coming to an end.

I have given them May 27th as my final Sunday. Three weeks ago I gave them six weeks notice. I gave them that date mostly to jump-start the pastoral search process. They had settled into a level of comfort with me as interim that I believe prevented them from seriously looking for a pastor.

I thought about delaying my departure, because they are probably another four weeks away from calling a pastor. But I decided to remain firm in my deadline for two reasons.

First, I think it is important to maintain my word to them. I told them a termination date, and I need to stick to that date for the sake of consistency.

Second, I have heard through the ministerial grapevine that our home pastor is going in view of a call on the May 20th to another church. To my knowledge, he has not shared this information with anyone at our church.

Due to the fact that our church governance has been pretty centralized in our pastor, I have some concern about how the church will react. I really want to be there to lend my thoughts/experiences.

When finals end this week and grades are turned in I will post my final report on Susan Song.

The Ringing Bell

Just a note from the deluge of finals week, the last round of term paper grading, and faculty evaluations. I entered the 20th century yesterday and downloaded my first album off iTunes. It was Derek Webb’s subversive new album, The Ringing Bell. It is a fine album and you can listen to it (though not download it, alas) for free here.

The two best tunes are "I Wanna Marry You All Over Again" (on marriage) and "A Love That's Stronger Than Our Fear" (on Torture).


Not that those topics are in ANY way related...

TM

Setting: An elevator, slowly rising from the first to the fourth floor.

Characters:
Taran: A slightly pudgy, nearing middle-aged, freshly tenured professor.

Four undergraduate females, each with cellphone in hands, thumbs flying furiously.

Girls: -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- --click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click-

“Ding!” as we pass the second floor.

Girls:-click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- --click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click-

“Ding!” as we pass the third floor.

Girls: -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- --click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click-

Me: (To no one in particular) “You know, when I was your age we used to talk on our telephones.”

Two of the girls look at me in the same way that Squealer looks at creamed spinach, with a mixture of revulsion and pity. They then provide a token (if condescending) chuckle. The other two ignore the comment completely.

Girls: -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- --click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click- -click-

“Ding” as we arrive at the fourth floor. The door opens and they depart.

Appropriately, I am left behind.

A Toast to Friendship

On Sunday morning, before making the long drive to Susan Song, I had the honor of sharing breakfast with Mister Ginger, PoMonkey, and Bobby. I met each of them almost twenty years ago in college and they have each scattered across the country in successful careers. They graciously (and expensively) flew back for Kadie’s party and this hour was the only time we’d have to share in conversation.

We talked a lot and laughed even more. (At one point, Bobby almost sent me to an early grave at IHOP as he channeled Sean Connery from that old SNL Jeopardy skit). Our conversation reminded me again of the importance of friendship. At one point during the weekend, Mister Ginger made the comment that as the years pass along, our friendships remain one of the greatest parts of our lives.

In a society where romantic/erotic love is held as the ideal, our culture all too often denigrates or worse, simply ignores friendship. Yet in some ways, friendship is just as powerful a form of love. C. S. Lewis devotes an important part of his book The Four Loves to the topic of friendship. In it he notes that "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." There is an accountability and an honesty in the best of friendships that each of us desperately need.

Or as another great Teacher once said: "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other…"

Lies I Told My Wife

In preparation for Friday’s event, I told more lies than I have in the previous 16 years of our marriage combined.

1. On four occasions I told her that a person who called (usually her sister PT Girl, or a co-conspirator from church), in fact called for some other reason than her party.

2. I told her that we were going to my parents B&B because my brother had a choir festival.

3. I signed off on our monthly budget, realizing that I’d be busting it to fly Linda into town.

4. On the road to the surprise party, Kadie decided to call our baby sitter about a sitting time this Friday. Since our sitter was at the surprise party, I was afraid Kadie would hear the talking, so I quickly made up some fool tale about having to work this Friday evening in the computer graphics lab, so there was no reason to call her.


That is the sum total of lies I told my wife. Why recount them here?
1) To salve my bitter conscience and
2) because I’m curious what referrals the title will generate.