"Find the Door!!"

For those of you who are Dallas Cowboys fans and are (like me) far too cheap to subscribe to HBO, well God has smiled upon you and rewarded your faithfulness. The first episode of their Training Camp series Hard Knocks is available for free viewing here. Enjoy!

(Please finish your sermon before viewing.)

#3

Baylor has just hired Art Briles as a new football coach. He was hired after they interviewed Mike Singeltary (former Baylor great) and unsuccessfully wooed Houston Nutt (the new Ole Miss coach). Baylor then hired their third choice in Coach Briles. I have no idea if Briles is going to bring a successful football team to the Brazos, but I like his attitude.

He was asked how he liked the idea of being Baylor's #3 choice for the new job.

His answer was "I might not have been my wife's No. 1 choice," Briles said. "But she's put up with me 29 years and fixin' to be 30."

Cowboys Tight End

Dave posted (it's gone from You Tube now) an incredible run sans helmet by Jason Witten, the Dallas Cowboy's current tight end, from Sunday night. It reminded me of a run by their best ever tight end from a few Thanksgivings back...




How do I know he's their best ever? How many Super Bowls did Troy, Michael and Emmit win without him????


(that would be zero)

A Nice Note

The Dallas Cowboys' team chaplin has died. Matt Mosely has a sweet entry about his testimony here.

Soccer Finale

Like a meteorite streaking across the fall sky, soccer season has now come and gone. The kids played their last games on Saturday. Squealer’s team performed exceptionally well. It’s interesting to note that some kids just seem to “get it” at an earlier age than others. I’d guess that 95% of the goals were scored by about 4% of the kids. Squealer’s team had one kid who got it and she scored 4 or 5 goals a game. The other kids scored only when the mob of kids happened to migrate into a net. Squealer scored a couple of goals throughout the season, but spent a lot of his time zoning out on both butter and dragon flies.

Strangely, right after his final game, he was stung by a bee. I tried to comfort him by explaining the impressive symmetry that the bee sting brought to the season, bookending his and Scooter’s experiences with soccer, but he didn’t find much succor in that.

Scooter’s team was beaten day in and day out throughout the season. There were three teams in her league and the other two teams just beat on her team relentlessly. They lost all their games. She had a blast though, manning (?!) the defender’s position and blasting out soccer balls whenever they came her way.

Skeeter’s team performed well. We (for I am an assistant coach on this team) played the much hated Red team for our final game. We had played them in our initial game and they pasted us 5 to 1. They then went undefeated the rest of the season. Shockingly, we also went undefeated, although we had one tie game.

In this final game we scored two quick goals and then managed to hold onto a 2-1 win over the fearsome Red team. After the game, the opposing coach told me that our two defenders (back guarding the goal) were the difference. “Every time we got back there, one of those two little girls would clear the ball out. They were the difference in the game.” Needless to say, Skeeter was one of those two. Because of our tie, the hated Red team won first place.

Final Thoughts:

1. It was worth it. Trying to watch three kids playing on three different fields at three different times was often a pain, but they all enjoyed it.

2. A church league offers just a slight reduction in the insanity level of parents. I suspect that it doesn’t happen all the time, this leagues was a good choice.

3. The cheesy pablum often offered up about team sports is true. It’s good for kids to work with other kids toward a competitive goal. The children learned a lot and I suspect we’ll be doing it again next year.

Unbelieveable!!!

Since I noted the "Seattle Slip" last season, I feel obliged to note the most incredible four yard run I've ever seen.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylON9AzHr8M







You know it's an incredible run when the Rams are the ones who call time out after the play!

The Thrill of Victory...

Soccer Round-Up

Squealer:

Squealer’s and Scooter’s games were at the same time, so we ended up running back and forth between them. I had Squealer duty first and saw him score his first goal!!!!!! Or rather to say, that he was at the head of the scrum that migrated into the goal along with the ball (and about three of the kids).

His team was superior to their opponents only by virtue of the fact that they were a little older and thus concentrated on the game the whole time. The other team was quickly distracted and would only have three of the four kids going after the ball at any given time. Squealer ended the game in goal, although the ball spent the entire time down at the other end of the field (pitch?). I was behind him in the goal as a helicopter parent, trying to keep him interested in the game. The game ended without the other team even shooting at his goal while he was goalie. He was quite sad and lamented “I didn’t get to play.”

By far the most excitement of the game was afterwards when there were snacks. When the coach announced that there were snacks, there went up a tremendous cry and they assaulted the mother who was unfortunate enough to have drawn snack duty for game one. While he ate his snack, Squealer was bitten by an ant in an, uhhh uncomfortable and private place that necessitated a trip to the doctor’s office today (he’s fine).

Scooter:

I didn’t catch as much of her game, but she played very well as a defender during the time I watched. She cleared the ball out from her end of the field (pitch?) on numerous occasions and her team won 3 to 1. The low point of the game came right after she went in and I was distracted talking to Skeeter. When I looked back out there I saw that she was crying and clutching her thigh. I yelled at her (while the game was ongoing) and asked her what was wrong. She told me that a bee had just bitten her on her leg.

When she came off she was crying hard (it was her first bee sting). Through tears she said “Well, at least it died.(sniff, sniff)” I said “Did you kill it?” Through her tears she rolled her eyes and said “Daddy, everyone knows that a bee dies after it stings you.” Ummm..right, I certainly knew that, though entymology was not foremost in my mind with a weeping daughter.

Skeeter:

We were smoked. Destroyed utterly. Due no doubt to excessively poor coaching we were pummeled 4 to 2. Skeeter played well and aggressively. A pall was cast over the team when one of the coach’s daughters took a wicked shot to the mouth by soccer ball. It was apocalyptic as she bit her tongue and blood flowed as high as a horse's bridle profusely. The little girl is Skeeter’s best friend and Skeeter was sad for the rest of the day. (Although she is also doing better today).

All in all, I think the following video summarizes our day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPk_IZ44DMc

From Alan to Schlomo

It's not often that two of my favorite areas of interest watermelon seed spitting and Manimal reruns Dallas Cowboys football and Old Testament studies, overlaps.

But it appears that Alan Veingrad, an old name from the Cowboy's 1992 Superbowl run, has converted to Hassidic Judaism. See the Dallas Morning News story here.

He's also changed his first name from Alan to Schlomo.


(Schlomo is Hebrew for Solomon and is no reflection on Veingrad's impressive 40 time).

Soccer Dad

In a strange twist of fate that reminds me for the 5,237,009 time that God has a sense of humor, I am coaching a soccer team. Some back story is in order.

In an omission that probably qualifies as child neglect in several states, Kadie and I have never enrolled the kids in any organized sports. (Although we did have them in Tae Kwon Do for a few years). With our work schedules and general challenge of being poorly organized, we’ve never taken the time to do so. But that changed on Saturday.

Kadie is trying a radical new schedule that will put her in the position of working all night, two days a week. That allows her to be at home every evening and gives us more flexibility to have someone at home with one kid while the others go to practice. Because of this, we (foolishly?!) enrolled all three kids into a local soccer league sponsored by a megachurch in our area. None of our kids have ever played before.

All games and practices are on Mondays and Saturdays over the next two months. We figured that their practices would overlap and we could drive out to the soccer fields and get all the practices over at once. But that was not to be.

On Saturday morning we arrived in the early morning heat for Squealer’s 10 am practice. He was hot and sweaty and enjoyed it immensely. His coach gave each parent a resume showing how he played on the high school and collegiate level. He then gave us an outline of a typical practice and worked the kids hard for an hour. Squealer loved it.

Skeeter’s practice was at 12:00 pm (?!) and also wore her out. It was hot….Africa hot…Tarzan couldn’t take this heat. Unfortunately, they had no coach. A friend of mine volunteered to be their coach, but only on the condition that I be his co-coach. Despite the fact that my own playing experience was 30 years ago and the only game I’ve watched since was Germany "crush" South Korea in the World Cup almost 13 years ago (and I only watched that whole game because I was there). I know little to nothing about the game. I can describe the difference between the 3-4 and the 4-3 defense in football, explain the infield fly rule in baseball, distinguish between carrying and traveling in basketball, but all I know about soccer is that you can't touch the ball with your hands.

So coaching a team should be quite interesting.*

Scooter’s practice was at 1:00 and was even hotter. Her practice was more of a tryout as her age group (Under 15) will be subject to a draft. Of the three kiddos, I was mostly concerned with her. As a Tween, I think she’s in a demographic that is generally more concerned with being cool and fitting in that her younger siblings. She was a bundle of anxiety. Fortunately, there were a few others who had never played before and she fit in beautifully.

*My brother Bartolo will be the one chortling the hardest over this delicious irony. He was a soccer star who would’ve played at the highest levels had he not made the wise decision to follow his passions into other areas instead. He once broke a guys nose who was going for "his" ball. I have no doubt that he had the talent to go as far as he desired. He even played on the same select teams as this guy! I feel certain that he will be giving me some soccer drill suggestions.

The Bad News Miscreants (III)

Well, the moment finally arrived. In our late game on Friday evening, America let out her collective breath as the Lakeview Miscreants won our first game. We beat the host team (an area megachurch) in their own park. I am confident of the importance of this event, because on Saturday afternoon, someone from Tucson, Arizona came to Coffeespoons after Googling “Taran softball”.

So clearly word is getting out.

We dropped the first game 12-7 and won the second 18-15. The second game was a nail biter and no lead was safe. I had a fine pair of games at second base and only hurt us with a couple of errors for the evening. My hitting suffered as I went 0-3 with three walks for the night.

Injury report: I took a line drive smash off my right foot. It hit squarely on my big toe and the nail has turned a darkish hue. But all nagging injuries pale in comparison to the rest of the season. We are moving into the homestretch of the playoff race with our 1-5 record. We play six games over the next nine days, so things should really start to tighten up.

(I mean my muscles, not the playoff race. We’re way out of that!)

The Bad News Miscreants (II)

The Miscreants played another two-fer on Friday evening, and given the fact that I am just now posting the results, you can probably anticipate how things turned out. We went 0-2 again, driving our season record to 0-4.

In game one we surged to a 10-0 lead in the first inning and then ended up losing a nail biter 14-12. That was a hard loss.

We were never in the second game and were pummelled 30 to 14. (Our new rallying cry is "Only two touchdowns and a field goal short!")

I rebounded from my previous poor defensive effort and committed no errors in the first game at second base (although let the record indicate that I also had no chances at second either).

I presented a scorer's challenge in the second game since they moved me to left field. I have the fielding range of a narcoleptic amoeba, so I couldn't get to many hits. I did catch three pop-ups, not an unremarkable feat for me.

Life at the plate was better. I went 3 for 7 with a walk. All three hits were weak bloops over the second baseman that settled into the short outfield area with the force of an arthritic man gently nestling down into a large recliner.

The highlight of my offensive output was the walk. The ump had a fixed strike zone that would've been more appropriate for Herve Villechaize than any of the 5 foot nine behemoths our team fields. Taking note of that fact, I elected not to swing until I was down two strikes and ended up walking on a 3-1 pitch.

Sadly, that was the high point of my afternoon.

Injury report--- I stupidly dove to first base trying to beat a mishandled throw and banged my left knee with sufficient force to generate a sizable bruise. Adding insult to injury I was still out. (Due to toughening MPAA standards, I will spare the gentle reader another picture of a purple-hued injury.)

After sprawling toward first, I was reminded of my age by the fact that my teammates gathered around my crumpled form and said "Way to Hustle Taran!!" "Great try!"

"Are you OK?"

The Bad News Miscreants

Last Friday evening, after exactly one softball practice in the preceding twelve years, I laced up my brand new ($19.99 from Payless) cleats and took to the softball field. I was the starting third baseman for the Lakeview Miscreants, our church softball team.

We play in a Baptist league here in town, and were late in assembling a team. Our first practice was a Thursday and our first game the following night. We were spanked in two straight games on Friday evening, 14-6 and 12-6 respectively (so we did show some improvement). Our official team motto is "You get to laugh at me and then I get to laugh at you."

My fielding was much better than I expected. Which is to say I only made four errors over the course of our double-header. The first error was failing to snare a line drive that was very catchable…though I’m hampered by my microscopic vertical leap. The next two errors were bobbles that enabled fleet runners to beat my weak-armed throws.

I was most proud of my fourth error. I started the second game at short (a demotion perhaps?!) and fielded an easy grounder effortlessly. I then airmailed the throw to the first baseman (who was only about 18 feet from me). My throw flew to his right and sent both adult and children spectators scurrying out of the way like a covey of quail. It was a beautiful thing to behold. (Chuck Knoblauch is my hero) . I did settle down to make most of the routine plays the rest of the evening.

I performed even more poorly at the plate. I hammered a solid single to right field in my first at bat and then went 0 for 5 the rest of the evening (weak grounders and pop ups to various infielders). I did score an additional run after I reached on an error.

But all in all, there is something to be said about Baptists hammering each other on the softball diamond instead of through blogs, so it was a nice change of pace.

But I didn’t escape unscathed. I mishandled a short hop throw from our left fielder and it caught me clean in the shin. Fortunately, the shock of the injury rendered my leg numb for the rest of the evening. But it looks nice, don’t you think?

Overall, I don’t recall having so much fun in awhile. I’ll be chronicling subsequent injuries games throughout the remainder of our six week season.

Ignominy

Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!

(that's the last time I'll ever feature a Cowboys' player on this site)