A Hard Conversation

I had known for a few days that I would be the bearer of much bad news. We have had a colleague who has been with us in our department for four years. This year we held a job search for his position and the department felt that someone else was the stronger candidate. As department chairman it was my responsibility to convey that news to him.

I’ve never done this before, and so I sought advice from a senior administrative colleague who has a lot of experience in sharing bad news. “How do you tell them?” I asked. He responded “Usually I just blurt it out.”

Oh.

So I asked my soon-to-be-former colleague into my office and muttered something about never having done this before. I then shared with him that the department had made the decision to extend an offer to another candidate and that his association with the university would end on such and such a date. I quickly added that I would stand ready to assist him in transitioning to a position in another institution if he wanted my help. I thanked him for his contributions and his professionalism.

But I’ve received life-altering news before. I know from experience on the other end of the conversation that he didn’t hear a word I said after “we’ve made a decision to extend an offer to someone else.” I could’ve discussed sheep grazing patterns in lower Patagonia for all the attention he subsequently paid to our conversation.

He lowered his head into his hands and slowly shook his head back and forth. “What will I do now?” he said. I tried to again offer my assistance in locating another job, but he understands the difficulties of finding academic positions. He shared with me a life threatening illness (from before his employment) that he said continues to plague his productivity. Then we sat there silently for some time not really saying anything.

Finally he sat up and looked at me and said “Taran, I’m really sorry. I didn’t do a better job.” I was stunned by this apology and reciprocated by suggesting that perhaps a more experienced chair could’ve found some means to motivate him.

Finally he got up and slowly left.

After he left I laid my head down on the desk for awhile. In a pastoral role, I’ve been in some sad situations before…usually after tragic deaths. But this was the most responsibility I’ve felt. Plus there is a tremendous chasm between the roles of supervisor and minister. It was a very painful experience.

I spoke with Kadie on the phone later and she sensed my melancholy. Unbeknownst to me she brought the three kids up to the office and announced that we were going on a family date. We went out to dinner and watched Meet the Robinsons. In 3-D.

Family is a wonderful thing.