A Mexican Standoff

The evening had gone well. We were a little uptight because this was the first visit to our home of our new minister of music and his sweet wife. When the minister is over, of course, you try to act your best. So far, we had successfully navigated light conversation and friendly banter. It had been a cordial evening and now it was time for dinner.

I had prepared two different types of chili (it was still cold outside). Kadie had arranged some tasty toppings in several beautiful glass dishes on an island in our kitchen. We were all excited about sitting down for some hearty fellowship. We only needed to pray for our meal and then we could eat.

But as we prepared to pray, Squealer stealthily slipped up and plucked the glass dish containing the grated cheddar cheese off the island . I made a grab for him, but he eluded me while, with Tourettes like intensity, shrieking “Cheese!!!!” in victory.

It was at that moment that Kadie took a step toward him and said “Squealer, give me that right now!” Squealer slowly moved back a step, and while he moved back he hoisted the glass dish aloft in his right hand, far above his head, as though it were a javelin.

When he did this, everyone in the room froze. The minister. The minister’s wife. Kadie, myself….even Skeeter and Scooter were motionless. We were each powerless to stop what we were all sure was about to happen. Kadie said later, that she knew if she took a step toward Squealer, it would all be over. The minister’s wife said later that she really had to laugh, but if she did, she knew that the room would immediately be shrouded in grated cheese. All I could think about was what a great blog entry this would make.

“Squealer, give me the cheese” Kadie repeated, this time more sharply.

“No” replied Squealer.

Mother and child coolly measured their opponent's determination. Two sets of blue eyes flashed at each other as they silently wagered how far this would go. Time….slowed….then stopped.

Squealer of course had the (literally) upper hand. It was the only cheese in the house and I was rapidly computing the time it would take for me to make a quick run to Wal-Mart. It was at this moment that I saw Kadie rise in stature before my very eyes. She loomed over his little body and uttered the words “Do you want a time-out?”

Now, a time-out for Squealer is what Kryptonite was to Superman and donuts are to Oprah. It robs him of his will. He is powerless before it. Squealer would rather get a spanking than a time-out. His will longs to be so unfettered, that he hates to spend even a restricted moment in a corner. Corporal punishment is preferable to even momentary incarceration.

“No time-out!!” he thundered back. But Kadie worked the chink in his armor. “Give me that cheese right now, Squealer or you will get a time out” she repeated, slowly enunciating the last six words. She took another step toward him.

“No time-out!!” he repeated, but less confidently now. The crisis was passing. And Kadie covered the last step while taking the cheese dish away from him at the same moment. He looked down at the floor while whimpering “Cheese…” in silent defeat.

Kadie walked passed me and shot me a quick look that said roughly “Remind me again what you are useful for around here?” But to our guests she smiled sweetly and said “Let’s pray.”