On a Pale Horse: Grades

AS I said in the original post, the pale part usually comes from the color draining from mom and dad's faces when report cards arrive. Grades are a thorny issue with our family, due no doubt to the different roads that Kadie and I traversed through school. Kadie was a student who was highly motivated and performed consistently at a level of excellence throughout her academic experiences. At a very large high school, she was the valedictorian. Nuff said.

I…was not the valedictorian. My memories of middle school are pretty dark. For reasons that still escape me, I rarely did any school work. I met exams and homework alike with a shrug. For some reason, I simply didn’t care. (This was all brought back to me recently when I received a call from my old school and learned that they were throwing out their old records and they asked if I wanted mine).

Through Hurculean effort, my parents got me into a great magnet high school (I suspect money exchanged hands). One of the great stories in our family’s lore is how my docile and gentle father became unhinged as the guidance counselor tried to dissuade him by saying “Some young boys, like Taran, are just not meant to go to college”.

While there, I suppose I only supported the counselor’s case as I maintained a C average during my best semesters there. In college I did a little better but really only got things going at Seminary and later in my doctoral work.

So all this means is that Kadie and I bring a different set of experiences to the table when our kids come home with report cards. One of the girls does above average work and the other does average work. But they are each capable of performing at the top level of their class. So Kadie and I have to really work at communicating because Kadie sees things as simply an act of caring enough about the work to do it. At the same time I remember well my parents and/or the teacher asking me as a 12 year old “Why aren’t you doing the school work?” and I simply had no answer for them.

We’ve tried rewards to ensure performance and we’ve tried punishments (no TV, no computer). So far, the punishments have proven to be more effective. So when report cards come home, the anxiety level rises and punishments and restrictions are meted out. Kadie and I feel our parenting skills are at their weakest in the area of motivating our kids toward school performance.