The Case of the Pig Headed Snatch Grabber

At the risk of confirming my status in category one of Bowden's new Southern Baptist Blogger taxonomy:

We have a toy that we picked up at a carney some few years ago. It is a stick with a pig head on one end and a trigger at the other end. When you squeeze the trigger, the mouth moves and the pig “bites” with its mouth and opposable jaw. You can use it to snatch, or grab, small objects. Several years ago we began referring to it as a “Pig Headed Snatch Grabber” (wait, Googling...yep, we’ve coined a new term). Normally, it is a simple toy that each of the kids enjoy. But in Squealer's hands, it has become an instrument of torture.

In the Vue, all three of the kids are crammed in the back seat with Skeeter in his car seat between his big sisters. Oftentimes, while we are driving around, Squealer will take the Pig Headed Snatch Grabber and “bite” his sisters with it as they sit in the car. It doesn’t hurt them, but really bugs them a lot. It drives them crazy because they are held in place by their seatbelts and cannot escape. It always ends with one of the three weeping, but before it gets to that point it is actually quite amusing to watch. (Sometimes it ends when one of the girls successfully disarms (dispigs?) him and tosses the Pig Headed Snatch Grabber into the very back of the car). We usually stop them before they toss him into the back of the car.

Yesterday, Kadie took Skeeter to the orthodontist to get her braces checked. Skeeter has a fairly substantial crossbite and so has been burdened with braces at the tender age of eight. Kadie dropped her off at the door and went to park the car. Skeeter had gone inside, and they had escorted her on into the orthodontist's office. By the time Kadie arrived, Skeeter was concentrating on an explanation while the dental assistant was sitting there patiently listening:

Skeeter: “...and then, he’ll take the Pig Headed Snatch Grabber and use it to bite my arms and I try to get away, but he bites my leg. So I lean away from him as far as I can, but I can’t get away and he keeps doing it, and doing it, and doing it, and that really bothers me!!”

By this time, Kadie has no idea why Skeeter is telling this to the dental assistant who continues to listen patiently. As soon as Skeeter finishes her impassioned tale of woe there is silence for a few seconds. Then the dental assistant quietly says with a smile on her face:

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I should’ve been more specific. I mean is there any thing bothering you about the braces.”