A Waif

She knelt down beside my desk and leaned over to whisper a question “Am I going to be alright?” “Pardon?” I said. I was sitting at a desk in front of my class. They were taking their second exam of the semester. She had turned in her test, but was now kneeling, and shaking, as she repeated her question. “Will I be OK?” she softly said.

Now normally, students say nothing to me after they take their exam. Typically they turn it in and saunter out of the classroom. I often feel like the SNL skit where the airline attendant (David Spade) says “Buh-Bye”. I nod and say thank you as they turn in the test. It’s idiotic I know, but society demands that we speak inanities in certain social occasions. Plus if I only nod, then they say “Thank you” which is even more asinine. I mean, why thank me for an exam?

So I was confused by her question. I looked again at her. She is waifishly thin, too thin in fact. Her dark eyes peer anxiously out from under her closely cropped, bright orange hair. Her arms are covered with tattoos and her lips pierced with a variety of studs. She doesn’t speak much in class, but emotes an unusual sweetness. This tough exterior seems like an extension of make-up, designed to cover up and to change what she hides underneath. It’s like she is a little girl trying out a young adult’s body.

“What I mean is, I made an A on my first test, but I just bombed this one. I mean, I know that I failed it. With the final and the quiz scores averaged in, will I still be alright?” she explained. She was shaking as she asked this, and her terminology was arresting. She wasn’t asking if her grade would remain high, but rather would she be ok.

The situation, with us whispering back and forth, wasn’t very conducive to conversation. So I looked directly at her and said “You are going to be ok. You will be fine.” And I meant it. I don’t know how she did on the exam or how it will affect her grades. But I am sure that it will not be catastrophic to her. 95% of my students don’t care enough about their grades. But 5% care deeply. They care too much in fact. On a few occasions during the semester I try to emphasize the fact that your self-worth is not reducible to your GPA (Thank God!).

After I answered her question, she seemed to relax a bit. I will talk with her more in the future, but today it seemed that she simply needed a little reassurance. She left the classroom with a lighter load.

I like the fact that my job gives me little opportunities like this from time to time.