Valentine's Book Review (II)

But the best book of these four is I Do Again by Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs. This is a powerful book by a married couple narrating an affair that one of them had and how it destroyed their marriage. Rarely is a book put by a Christian publisher so frankly honest about the tragedy of an affair and the difficulties of reconciliation.

Cheryl narrates the “harmless” flirting that led first to an emotional, then to a physical affair. What was striking about her story is how she lost her heart long before her physical affair was consummated. Cheryl pushed for a divorce so that she could leave Jeff and continue her relationship with the man. Jeff opposed the divorce, and (not knowing about the affair) was mystified that Cheryl pursued the divorce with such determinism. Ultimately, she achieved the divorce

But after the divorce, Cheryl found little happiness. Although she did continue her relationship with the other man for a time, this relationship was ultimately unsatisfying. But in the aftermath of the divorce, Cheryl did form a relationship with Christ for the first time in her life. Through the mentoring of some Godly friends and increasing involvement in the church, she gradually became convinced that God wanted her to reconcile with Jeff.

There was only one problem: Jeff (who was already a Christian) wanted nothing to do with her. When Cheryl shared with Jeff her hopes for reconciliation he threw her out of his house. It was only after a lengthy process (covering some seven years) that Jeff too became convinced that God wanted them back together and overcame his own anger and bitterness toward Cheryl. They then remarried.

There are two other characters in Jeff and Cheryl’s narrative. They have twin daughters who were around the age of two when they were divorced. Their presence formed a powerful force that required Jeff and Cheryl to live in proximity to one another and to interact weekly as they shared custody of the girls.

What I liked a lot about the book:

1. As I mentioned earlier, I Do Again is brutally honest in its powerful description of the sheer pain and hurt that came into their marriage as a result of Cheryl’s unfaithfulness. But the book takes a hard look at Jeff’s emotional neglect of his wife during their first marriage.

2. This is a book that should scare the heck out of anyone involved in “harmless” flirting with someone besides their spouse. Cheryl’s heart left her husband long before her body did and that fact made her unwilling to work on their (first) marriage, even after counseling.

3. This work emphasizes the impact of the divorce on the kids. Towards the end of the book, after she and Jeff are reconciled, Cheryl talks about the night when she had to tell the girls about her adulterous affair that ended their marriage. The girls were thirteen and she painfully describes how she had to explain the affair in terms an eighth grader would understand. Furthermore, in a Q/A section at the end of the book, one of the twins (now aged 20) describes how she wrestles with trust issues in her relationships, attributing this fact to her parents’ divorce.

4. Lastly what I really liked about the book is that it was complex. I expect in books like these that the central characters will find Jesus and everything will work out nice and neatly. But not here. Even after Cheryl became a Christian, life remained hard, messy, and painful. Like the rest of us, her new life in Christ didn’t erase the consequences of her sin.

One of the best books I’ve read this year.